I was taking a shower one day when suddenly someone came bursting through the bathroom door slamming drawers and making a racket. I peeked out of the shower to see Lou, my oldest all red faced and tear streaked, hurt and pain in her eyes. Oh no… what to do? I called out, “what’s going on?” She burst out, “Beana (the next sister in the lineup, 2 years younger) is better at everything! She is better at piano and math, running….EVERYTHING! She is better than me no matter how hard I try! Not to mention that her panties don’t even make a line!” Lou was 9 years old at the time and I was not surprised at this outburst because I had had a feeling that she had been feeling threatened by her sister over the past few months. I was not however, prepared for the body image awareness and obvious distress of knowing that her physique was not quite like sisters, down to the panty line issue!
I stood in the shower for a minute feeling the weight of this situation and asked God for wisdom to handle this broken and hurting place in Lou’s heart. I also was instantly angry that the Enemy had come in and was already in the hot pursuit of my babies’ self-image.
I can’t remember my opening statement, and I wish I could but what I do remember saying is this:
“You are right Lou, and I can understand your frustration in this. However, it is crucial for you to understand that in this moment you have a choice. You can choose to be bitter and angry – walking around injured, or you can decide that today you will choose forgiveness. If you choose forgiveness you will be released to be the best that you can be. Today you must decide to DO your best, instead of trying to BE the best. Do the things that bring you joy, even if you’re not perfect at it. Find your niche in your daily tasks and put your best Lou stamp on it! The truth is that you are very talented, but your flare will always look different than Beana’s .”
Now during this speech I had finished my shower and stepped out. I continued to talk, all fired up and focused on the task of this moment. Standing side by side in front of the mirror, I asked Lou to take a good look at herself in the mirror.
I continued,
“The enemy would love to lie to you and tell you that you are not beautiful, smart, talented, loved, and a whole bunch of other lies. But you are going to have to choose to silence these lies. You were made in the image of God! He has designed you to have a very specific set of talents and ways to shine that not any other person past, present, or future will ever have. Don’t let anything or anyone steal this portion from you.”
We stood side by side and I had her say these words,
“I am made in the image of God. I am talented. I am beautiful. I refuse to listen to the lies that tear me down!”
There were lots of tears, of course, because this can be a really hard exercise.
The funny part is this, ( and I hope you can appreciate the humor) as I came to the end of my second passionate speech on Lou’s worth, I took a second to look at myself and realized that I was still in my b-day suit – indeed just as the day I was born! It hadn’t even crossed my mind while we were having this very serious talk that I was in such a state! I am sure she will never forget it!!! Yikes!
After we had a little giggle and I got over the humor of me standing in my b-day suit while giving my daughter the self-worth talk of the century, I realized that I had some work to do. I needed to stop complaining about my physique. I needed to be honest with myself and clean up my own body image language…. especially since my oldest takes after my side of the family! I asked Lou’s forgiveness for not being a good example in this area.
The rest of what we talked about that day was the practical: some people, like Beana, are born with tight skin, muscle tone, and core strength that the rest of us must work a little harder for. We need to be healthy. We need to take care of our vessels but not be obsessed with an image…etc.
This was the first of a series of talks from mom and dad on this subject, reinforcing the same core truths. Little by little Lou really started to own it. I can happily say that she has become a very confident 14-year-old little woman. I marvel at the lady she is becoming and I am challenged to be my best when I see her navigate younger siblings, when she takes on challenging school assignments, and attacks dance with such strength and grace straight from her heart, or kick boxing with great gusto! I am so thankful to know this fine young lady!